Emily X.R. Pan
Fiction – Young Adult
Difficulty Level – Moderate
TW: Suicide, Depression, Self-harm mentions, Racism
If there was one book that I could ever recommend to another person, it would be ‘The Astonishing Colour of After’ by Emily X.R. Pan. When looking towards mental health representation and attempting to understand it in a greater depth, it is very typical for many people to turn straight to the world of non-fiction. However, what many people fail to recognise, is that most authors of fictional works integrate real-life scenarios and realistic depictions of psychological-related themes into their works. This particular book focuses on mental health, with certain emphasis on dealing with grief, coping mechanisms, the effects of depression, and suicide.
This book was heart-breaking in every way possible, but it would be wrong for me to disregard just how enchanting it truly was. The book centres around the protagonist Leigh, whose mother has just taken her own life with no note, no explanation – she has simply left. Overcome with the shock of her mother’s death, whilst also trying to balance her relationship and feelings towards her best friend Axel, Leigh embarks on a journey to meet her estranged grandparents in Taiwan, where she believes she is communicating with her mother – reincarnated as a huge crimson bird. Using a box of magical incense and the bird’s help, Leigh begins her journey to unveil the secrets that she realises have been kept from her for years, and perhaps, just perhaps, there is some hope that she can find some reasoning for her mother’s tragic death.
‘The Astonishing Colour of After’ is written in an achingly beautiful way, with vivid descriptions of the illusions Leigh experiences, leaving the reader with no choice but to personally connect with Leigh and empathise with the losses she faces. We see Leigh at her most vulnerable – torn apart and hopeless, but we follow her on her journey where she blossoms, weaving together the patches in her life and stitching herself back together.
Be warned that Pan does not sugar-coat the reality of living with a mental illness; instead, she provides us with a raw insight to the mental state of Leigh’s mother Dory, and through Leigh’s perspective, we are made to take note of the real significance of opening up about mental health. There is no question about the stigma related to suicide and depression, in fact the book itself does not shy away from acknowledging this. But Pan does not wish for us to ‘understand’ and ‘fix’ mental health, rather she encourages us to have conversations – real and unflinching conversations that will be the first step towards battling this stigma.
After reading ‘The Astonishing Colour of After’, I felt as if my heart had been torn to pieces but mended by Leigh’s relentless perseverance and her courage. The writing was exquisitely intricate and delicate, with the details of Taiwanese/Chinese culture so rich and expressive. I especially recommend this for any fans of magical realism, or simply anyone who is looking for an emotional and thought-provoking story that will leave you feeling empty, but so very full. Enjoy!
By Khadija Khalid